Brain fog strikes again

Seems I wrote a post back in December and then never published it. Silly forgetful brain.

These days, I'm all about being compassionate with myself. And honest. That is the hard one isn't it friends? To really be honest, not only with yourself, but, with others especially. To have that accountability is really humbling and terrifying. In contemplating the possibility of having roomate(s) in the future, I have to be super honest about how much time I spend not being productive. Honestly, it goes way beyond self-care. It is downright avoidant and I've been doing it in one form or another for so long, it seems nearly impossible to shed all of the escapist and avoidant behaviors. Still, I'm determined. I will conquer these character defects and bad habits so that I can be the best me and live the life I dream and envision. That is my goal. The rest is only details. 

Right now, I'm working on a painting that is probably the most detailed and involved thing I've done to date. It is taking me a long time but I'm determined to finish, and make it something I'm proud of. Well, I'm already proud of it. I'm so excited about getting it completed and share it with you all. 

Here's the last painting I did. I really love the dynamic feel it has. It is still hanging on my studio wall. I left it there to contemplate if it was finished. I had gotten hyper-focused on one area that I struggled with. Since then, I grin every time I get even a glance at it. I don't even notice the spot that once captured all my attention. It is the first, hopefully of many, of Forida subject matter that I've done since moving here in January. It is a common hedge used in many commercial landscapes here. The flowers in real life are only about a centimeter or so. Barely noticeable as you are walking by. Of course, I'm the nerd that likes to get my camera (my phone) right up in the bushes/grass/at sidewalk level/whatever it takes to get a good image of the thing that catches my eye.

Walking in Beauty

What an incredible year it has been. Lots of travel, lots of moving, a TON of beauty, and, of course, some sadness too. We have lost a lot of incredible artists this year, many unexpectedly. That's what happens when we get old, no? It's good to honor those feeling of grief and then we can more easily release that sadness and get back to the beauty of life that is available to us all.

Today, I drove around Phoenix neighborhoods with no particular direction in mind when I set out. Basically, I let The Force guide my directions. Instinctively though, I found a wildlife rehabilitation area that made for a nice walk with my dogs. I continued on and found some neighborhoods and areas that I really liked. Some I could maybe imagine living in. Just putting those feelers out there in the Universe. Can't say I'm in love with Phoenix in general, but the surrounding mountains and desert scapes and close proximity to greatness is certainly attractive.

It occurred to me on the way back to my airBNB casita that I have made no effort whatsoever to secure stopping places on my way back to the midwest. Then I wondered, is there a reason for that? Is that my intuition telling me, just hang on, something good is coming.

Last weekend, I went to the White Sands National Monument in New Mexico. It was about 40 miles from where I stayed in Las Cruces and just the drive through the mountains from high desert into the desert was enough to light my fire. I've never driven through such a long incline/decline before and it made me grin from ear to ear. And the White Sands park was just gorgeous. I made sure to be there at sunset and I'm so glad I did. My ankle was not well enough to hike through the dunes as much as I or the dogs would have liked but the good news is, there are picnic areas and places to park and walk all over. I tried to set up and sketch some but realized that I should have planned that way sooner because trying to capture the colors of the mountains at sunset is tricky. It changes minute to minute. It would have been better if I had at least set up and drawn in the mountain shapes first and then tried to put colors in. C'est la vie. Much to think about for future adventures. It also reminds me that I should plan to stop and sketch more often; build up those daily work hours. I'm feeling a little rusty still and only time at the easel/desk/drawing pad will help. In that vein, I'm a bit shy to share any of the things I've sketched recently. But, I will share the Eagle in the Rocks that I had to stop and capture at a rest stop just inside Arizona.

Oh Yeah, and just a few snapshots from White Sands.