Sign language of the times

The influx of positivity I have been receiving has been an unexpected, enormous, and beautiful thing to experience. It is a sigh of relief, a gust of wind at my back on a long journey home. It lets me know, this is the right thing. I am accepting much needed and appreciated support from those I love and overwhelmingly, I am so grateful. To know that I'm still loved so dearly by those I hold close to my heart brings me to tears, even now, as I write. People are good. This fact was lost on me for a time. I am reassured.

Am I crazy to leave this space, and these people? I have asked this question so many times in the last few days. As I have had the time and space to spend in my corner of the world, I look around at all I have built and added to this house and land. I have felt such joy here and still see its potential. Even in the dark times, the collaborators that came and went left their unique and flourishing marks on this place. Quietly, my mind says, the next residents will be able to appreciate it all the more. You will find another space to claim and build with love.

As for leaving the people, they are only a phone call or plane ticket away. I have been blessed with wonderful friends and chosen family that assure me, they'll be here when I want to come back.

Campground Rules rule!

Here's my new sassy pink hair:

New Pink Skin

I have socialized more in the last week than I have in probably the last 6 months. From one year old birthday parties to inviting people into my house, it feels wonderful to not feel like I am always running away or need to hide. I have been depleted in the past and I am quickly refilling those deficits with the love of family and friends, and most of all, love and time for myself.



I feel like the new pink skin that pushes its way up from underneath the ugly,thick, itchy scab. I wake up and decide for myself what and how I will better my life on this day. It feels amazing to be free of the drudgery. All the anger, tension, negativity, and the silent and ever present air of misogyny and bigotry have sloughed off like dead skin that no longer serves its protective purpose. The good is that it has taught me many valuable lessons and allowed me to develop in ways I couldn't have imagined 5 years ago - like how to separate myself from someone else's emotions, an immensely useful skill in SO MANY WAYS! I have the choice to not take on someone else's anger, meanness, or sadness. And, while remaining calm, I can logically navigate a solution for whatever the situation is.



I have been reacquainting myself with music lately also. In the hustle and bustle of raising a child and working my days away, music and its healing and emotive powers had been sequestered away. Some artists found their way to me right on time. 311 is big for me in this space...."You've got to trust your instinct and let go of regret. You've got to bet on yourself now, Star! Cuz that's your best bet!"



Still working my way up to the creative process. Sometimes, that has to have it's own metamorphosis. But it will come in its own time. It always does. For now, here is a little painting I started a couple days ago with some found objects and spray paint.

Breathe deep and exhale

This is my first full day of being unemployed. I do not have fear about the decision to leave. There is some vague whispering in the back of my mind that I should be worried about not having an income. I have learned to be very stern with that fear talk. I am resolute that it shall not cause me concern. This is the best decision, the only way to make me whole again.

I read a book. Simple enough, right? I haven't done that in too many years to count. Albeit a short and easy read, all the way through and in a matter of 2 days, relaxing in a chaise by the pool on the cruise, I read a book. The title was Paris Letters and quite apropos for my own situation. That felt really good. Surrounded by the exquisite beauty of the Alaskan sea, mountains, and wilderness, my mind and my body were finally able to relax enough to just stay with one task and not try to do multiple things at all times. That was a great milestone for me. Yes, reading a book!

Fresh from a 9 day vacation that included 7 days on a cruise ship to Alaska and Victoria, B.C., my mind has begun to unwind from its chaotic bindings. Like the inside of a baseball, my mental space has been like those hundreds of stretched taut elastic strings that are purposely bound together with no movement or purpose of its own and covered with a perfectly stitched white cover, sitting idly in its designated space or being moved from one box to another. Only when being bashed by another object and sent reeling into the sky for other's entertainment does it hold value and it is sought for return.

A little sketch I did from the deck chair of our cruise ship while sitting in the port of Ketchikan, Alaska: